A break up is always tough, a bad break up is the worst. You begin to ask yourself a lot of personal questions and pick yourself apart when the truth is, it’s not anything to do with you – you two were just not the best match and the fact that it’s ended now means that you have the time to go and be with someone you deserve.
And perhaps…that time is nearly here. You’ve cried, you’ve gotten angry, you’ve partied, you’ve taken ‘me’ time and now you’re ready. So, where exactly do you start?
Learn from it
Yes a bad breakup can throw you through a loop but it’s also a great learning curve. You now know what works for you and what doesn’t, what you want from someone and what you don’t (amongst many more eye-opening revelations).
Take some time to really process what happened and why it didn’t work out now that it isn’t so painful to think about. This will save you from entering another relationship that isn’t right for you and also save you a lot of time!
Also read: Finding a relationship online
Take it slow
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of seeing your ex posting pictures of dating someone new and then instantly feeling the need to find someone (anyone). This is a big mistake! Firstly, the fact that they are posting images is a clear sign of insecurity and are doing it with one kind of audience in mind – you.
Don’t fall for it. Instead, ignore it – perhaps unfollow them so you don’t have to see any of their posts – and then go about things your way, you aren’t subject to any deadline.
Trust your gut
Basically, don’t force anything. You are still trying to figure out how you feel and what you need and sometimes that means getting out of your own head. Don’t overthink everything so much and allow yourself to have fun – that’s the most important part.
Nothing has to be too serious or daunting and there is definitely no pressure.
Don’t judge those lingering feelings
Yes, it is completely natural to still feel things for your ex despite the aftermath of your relationship. Never apologise or beat yourself up for still loving the person who played a significant part in your life.
However, that also doesn’t mean you should get back with them. Those feelings don’t just go away and they also don’t mean you can’t find space within yourself to feel them for someone else. Trust that the more you open yourself up to other people, the more those feelings will start to fade.
Commit to focusing on yourself
Now’s the time to make it all about you. You’ve done a relationship where you’ve focused on the other person and let your own needs take a back seat – no more! Go into dating with the mindset ‘if you don’t make me feel good then this isn’t going to work’ rather than trying to focus on pleasing them the whole time (it won’t make you feel any better).
Also read: First date conversation topics
So, how do you get started with dating now?
Well, we have some ideas to get you started…
Try a dating app!
These are fun and flirty and a lot less commitment which are all things that you need right now. Think of it as your trial and error stage where ou can go on as many different dates as you need to suss out what’s best for you right now. Find out the best dating apps in the UK.
Start a new activity
Think can be anything from joining a theatre group to learning to kickbox. You are making great changes to your life while also surrounding yourself with a whole new group of people to meet
A friend’s dinner party
So you might have to do some sweet talking on this one but it’s a great way to meet some new people in a trusted, sociable, so not intimidating environment. Maybe offer to come over and do the cooking and they can be in charge of the guest list!
One of the popular ways to do this is to get all of your friends to bring a sexy single friend and the rule is either they must be of the same gender or opposite so there’s completely even numbers.
Overall, the trick is to realise that a bad break up has no effect on your future relationships – in fact, it only bodes to make them healthier and stronger because you can learn from it. So once you feel ready, dust off your dating game and go and have fun!