How to get over someone you never dated

A lot of people can dismiss this as a trivial matter that isn’t worth getting upset about. However, the ugly truth is that sometimes you can be just as invested in a person that you never went out with.

sad guy sitting alone

There are still deep feelings involved and it can be, at times, worse than a relationship that had the label because all you can think is: ‘what if?’

So, rather than feeling guilty and ashamed to vocalise these feelings, know that they are just as valid. However, you cannot go on feeling like this forever and it will slowly but surely become easier. In the meantime, what steps can you take to help you get over someone you never actually dated?

What’s the situation?

  • They have started seeing someone else
  • They are leaving in some form
  • You admitted your feelings and it didn’t work out

Sometimes there doesn’t have to be a situation at all – you may have just finally realised that hoping can only get you so far. All of these scenarios can lead to you facing the reality that you will have to get over said person.

Also read: Mixed signals – helping you getting less confused

For the first two points, there might be a part of you that considers telling them how you feel. This can be tricky if they are in a happy and committed relationship and you need to be honest with yourself about whether you are actually doing this because you think they like you back or because you want to cause problems. Nevertheless, if they are leaving in some form – maybe moving job or city – then you should contemplate speaking to them. If the feelings are mutual then brilliant! If not, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it will be to get over them because you know where you stand – you don’t have to live in your head thinking ‘what if?’

Steps to get over them

1. Admit it

Whatever the situation is, the first step to moving forward is admitting that you have feelings. Sometimes it can be easy to bury your head in the sand and pretend that it was nothing however this will only refuse you the proper closure that is necessary. Before you can move forward, you have to be honest with yourself.

2. Back yourself

The fact that this ‘would be’ relationship did not work out is not a reflection on you or your personality – do not take anything personally. Sometimes life can get in the way and some things that you are so certain on are just not meant to be. Life can also have a funny way of working things out.

3. ‘Me’ time

Just like after an actual break-up, everyone needs a day where they cry in their PJ’s and eat their weight in chocolate. This occasion is no different. Don’t forbid yourself from feeling everything you’re feeling and wallowing in it for a bit – it will help.

4. Stop letting your world revolve around them

They may have acted as your axis for x amount of time but now you have to realise that you can’t base your decisions and actions around them. Everyone is guilty of changing their plans in the hope that they would be able to be nearer to or spend more time with a certain someone. However – and it is easier said than done – try to not care so much. Be actively aware when you might be doing something because it relates to them and then make the conscious decision to stop. After a while, this will become easier. It can also help to view them objectively – we have this idealised version of them in our heads but try and look for some negative aspects in them too.

5. Remove yourself

If feasible, try and limit your activity with this person. If you do not have to see them or work with them then consider removing them completely from your life. Even unfollowing them on social media can be an effective way to get over them because slowly you will begin to think about them less and less – out of sight, out of mind.

6. Get excited again

Put your favourite outfit on. Flirt with somebody new. Send that cheeky message that makes you blush. This is the time to get excited about meeting new people and exploring this whole other world that was previously shut off to you when you were emotionally invested in the other person.

Also read: How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend

You may feel bad now but this won’t last forever. By looking after yourself, gaining full closure and being open to new opportunities, you will realise that you are much better off without.

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