How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend

Firstly, never be embarrassed to admit you’re nervous to ask a girl to be your girlfriend because guess what, most guys are.

young couple kissing

Has an acceptable length of time passed? Does she want it to be a big thing or play it cool? What if she says no? All of these are just a few of the questions most people struggle to dismiss when they are considering this next step. It is totally normal. However, sometimes you just want some reassurance that you are doing things right so here are a few pointers to help you out.

Timing

One of the biggest stresses that come with this question is whether ‘it is the right time’. Honestly, there is never a benchmark x-number-of-days ‘right’ time but rather it has to be whether it feels right to you. So how do you know?

It’s the next logical step – This isn’t a quantitative measure (although let’s just say that maybe anything earlier than two weeks might be a little presumptuous). The easiest way to determine whether this is logical is to ask yourself whether there are any steps before this one that you still haven’t covered. For example, have you had the exclusivity chat? Have you met her friends? Have you met on day dates and not just after nights out? This is a useful way to gauge.

In the moment – Regardless of whether you may have been thinking about saying it and decided on the perfect time, you can never be prepared for it slipping out when you least expect. Don’t worry. If you’re saying it in the moment it probably means it is a pretty good time and it feels right.

She’s asked you before – This can be a tricky one. She asked you x-amount of days ago to be a serious couple and you didn’t commit. For whatever reason, you are now ready and want to make that step. Don’t be afraid of asking – just make sure that you state your reasons in a way that shows that you care for her a great deal and you are now ready and excited to take the next step. Maybe make a little more effort than normal for this one.

Also read: 9 Signs she likes you

Gestures

Know what she likes – does she want it to be an extravagant, romantic affair or will she appreciate the casual asking of the question. If you don’t know then firstly, do you really think you know her well enough to be a couple? And if so, then maybe assess how she approaches other big events such as her birthday parties and gauge it from there.

The Options:

Dinner

  • Romantic
  • Go to a place she loves
  • Doesn’t have to be over the top or uncomfortable

Chilled

  • Better for those less inclined to like big, romantic gestures
  • Takeaway and movie with bubbles is still making an effort
  • Can include flowers for romantic edge

Romantic

  • For the more outgoing
  • Any venue with beautiful scenery or backdrops
  • She might appreciate a present or flowers
  • Dinner and drinks (can be picnic depending on location)

Also read: London Date Ideas Girls Love (Part 1)

What to say

There are a few main areas you ought to take into account when it comes to what you say:

1. Less is more – Don’t waffle on for ages and take away from the moment.

2. Don’t seem too keen or not keen enough – This might seem difficult to navigate but show her that you are excited for this next step without gushing too much.

3. Reasons why you want her to be your girlfriend should be about what you like about her, not ‘oh because I guess we basically already are’. Think of three main things you like about her (and maybe don’t make them all about her looks) and say that you don’t want to see anyone else or for her to see anyone else.

4. State that you like where this has been going, you like xyz about her and you would really like it if she could be your girlfriend – it’s that easy.

If it doesn’t go to plan

Don’t worry – it happens and it doesn’t have to be a personal reason against you. If this happens:

  • Don’t lash out and get defensive, you’ll only push her further away
  • Ask why and what you could do to move in that boyfriend/girlfriend direction – then you know where to go from there
  • Do ask if there is the potential to be in the future – you have a right to know if this relationship is going anywhere

Ultimately, don’t be afraid. This is exciting and whatever happens, you definitely get points for putting yourself out there! Good luck.

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