It doesn’t matter how long you have been together or how much you care for one another, there is always the potential for a relationship to become a little too comfortable. You grow used to having this best friend and suddenly you don’t invest the same amount of time that you did before or make the effort that once made your dates exciting.
There is no one person guilty for this happening and it doesn’t mean you love each other any less. If it is because time has passed and there is a level of comfort there, then there are very easy and effective ways to shake the ‘boring’ out of your relationship.
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First be sure – is this a sign that it’s not working?
While a lot of the time the sudden boring nature of your relationship is down to not putting in the effort or energy, there can sometimes be far deeper reasons. If this has been something that has gone on for a while, assess whether your relationship is worth saving.
This can be a difficult decision to make but there are several questions you can consider to help point you in the right direction:
- Does the idea of spending time working on the relationship irritate you or are you willing to invest your energy?
- Do you feel other areas of your life have benefited because you have taken a step back from your relationship?
- Do you still enjoy spending the limited amount of time with your partner or are you not bothered or eager to see them?
- Do you think it’s been healthy having this distance from them?
If you find yourself realising that making this relationship work doesn’t actually appeal to you all that much then perhaps it is time to move on and let this one go.
Also read: Mixed signals
However, if you do want to make it work
If you know that this is someone that you love and you are willing to do all you can to find that spark again then here are some good ideas to get you started:
- Send a gift to where they work with a little message showing that you’re thinking about them – the surprise will brighten up their day. What would be even better, would be if you mention at the end of the message a place and a time to meet after they’ve finished. Every good relationship needs a little bit of exciting mystery to spice it up.
- Go back to that infamous location that means a lot to both of you – it can be the shabby food truck that ended up being your first date or it can be that incredible trip to another part of the country. Wherever it is, choose somewhere that reminds you of that amazing time you had together.
- On a similar thread, there’s nothing like a trip away to get rid of that boredom. It ensures that you are spending x amount of time together and focusing primarily on reconnecting – plus, who doesn’t enjoy a holiday?
- No more screens – the bedroom is the perfect time for you to focus on each other at the end of a long day but if you are both distracted by technology then you are wasting valuable time. Get rid.
- Both create a bucket list of incredible activities and experiences that you want to act out and gradually work through these together – it can be a lot of fun trying out something new when you’ve got someone else to laugh about it with
- Communicate – this can be as easy as texting the other person throughout the day. Often, we don’t think that we have the time to send a simple message but sometimes opening up this dialogue and having a joke with your partner when you’re not together can be exactly what you need
- Talk about it – with your partner, with other people outside of the relationship… sometimes, we are so guilty of hashing over the same thoughts and stories within our head that we begin to grow hazy over what’s actually happening. A lot of the time, we just need someone to help us understand where the issue might be stemming from and work on sorting it out from there
The most important thing to realise when you are trying to spice up your relationship is that if you love each other, and are willing to make it work, then it will pay of – it’s as simple at that.