There is nothing worse than that sinking feeling in your gut when you know something is wrong in your relationship. Instinctively – which is sometimes what you have to rely on when solid facts are absent – you fear that he is being unfaithful.
This is one of the most heart-breaking moments anyone can experience but it is important to note that things do – and will – get better. However, what can be worse is sometimes the fear and suspicion but being unable to know the absolute truth.
There are some telling signs that can suggest that your partner is being unfaithful but these are only cautionary and do not always suggest absolute certainty. Any of these signs occurring in isolation is usually absolutely nothing. It isn’t until you recognise all or most of these signs should suspicion arise (and even then, it could still be nothing).
Also read: Does ‘giving space’ work?
Signs to Look For
- Unknown numbers calling his phone at odd times – this could be anything but if it keeps happening and he leaves your company to take them then it could be someone he doesn’t want you to know about.
- Late night ‘work meetings’ (or substitute with any evening activity) – a way to check the validity of these if you are beginning to become suspicious is to call his office/workout buddy/drinking friends and confirm this.
- Odd purchases in your bank statements – see a hotel on there in London when he said he was in Scotland for the weekend? Perhaps there is a jewellery purchase that you don’t remember receiving.
- Changes in his appearance – is he starting to make more of an effort with his exercise regime? Is he buying new suits? Maybe he has this new cologne on all the time?
- Notable decrease in his sex drive when he is with you.
- He isn’t bothered if you cancel plans with him – perhaps he is even pleased about it?
How to Approach the Situation
If everything is pointing to this one conclusion, there is never really a right way to go about it but there are definitely many wrong ways. Your emotions will be running high and at times like these we do not think or speak or act clearly. The pain and anger and sadness that you are feeling is completely, one hundred percent justifiable but rushing headfirst into a confrontation will not leave you feeling satisfied or resolved.
First, speak to someone(s) close to you for clarity and a soundboard. This can be family members or your good friends but try to choose people who will be unbiased (and definitely not his friends). Lay out all your information and how you feel and allow all the emotional energy you have building to be released to them rather than your partner.
Write a plan – this can be what you think your next steps should be if he does admit to cheating such as: do you need to move out? Do you have shared pets/possessions? Do you want to forgive him and give it another shot? Knowing what direction you want the conversation to go in when you see him is half the battle and will help you feel grounded and secure.
Also read: Boring relationship – what to do?
When you do see him, try to keep your emotions in check as much as possible. Be aware if he is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and manipulate you but also be open to reconciliation if you yearn for that and he seems sincere. Be as clear and measured as you can in your findings and suspicions and allow him the chance to speak.
A lot of the time, his reaction can be helpful is telling you what your next step should be. He gets mad and starts blaming you? He doesn’t deserve you. He admits it straight up, it was a one-time thing and he will do anything he can to win you back? Maybe find out what issues in your relationship led to this event and consider working on these.
Keep in mind
The pain and heart break you are feeling now will pass and things do get better. Being cheated on is a horrible experience but you will come away from it stronger and more resilient, and now with the freedom to meet someone that actually deserves you.
And above all, it isn’t personal and in no way a reflection on you. You are amazing (he’s the one with the issue).