Breakups suck. There is no two ways around it – regardless of whether you were the instigator or it was the right thing to do, no one really gets over it the very next day.
Of course, how you feel after can very much depend on who you are as a person, the length of the relationship and how you felt about the other person but a lot of the time, you just don’t feel too great. However, this article will work to show you that it does get better and there are some key ways to help with the healing process.
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Never be ashamed to say it hurts and that you probably need a good cry. If you try to ignore it and push it down, it will just manifest until eventually you are forced to feel it. The easiest way is sometimes to try and process it – whether that is talking to friends or a stranger or writing it down.
Have a night in
This shouldn’t be a recurring thing because then people will worry why you haven’t left your room for several days but having a chilled evening with movies, takeaway, chocolate and wine/beer can be a great way to recuperate.
Go out with friends
Be careful with this one as you don’t want to fall into the trap of drinking yourself to oblivion and hooking up with a stranger that you will regret the next day. However, a healthy night out with your mates, doing some embarrassing dancing and having a laugh is a great way to distract while also stopping you from vicious trap of not leaving your house post-breakup.
Sometimes, a rocky relationship can detriment your work – whether that’s because you didn’t have the hours to put into your job or because your negative attitude meant you didn’t want to try. Now that you are single, use work as a distraction. Throw yourself in, hit targets and excel them, impress your managers – it’s also a great boost for your confidence because when you do well in something, it makes you feel good too.
The easiest way to keep preoccupied is to avoid thinking and seeing them every day. By deleting them off social media, you don’t have to see what they are up to and you can get on with your own life. Also, it avoids the game playing of who looks like they are having the best time solo.
Find the positives
Always a silver lining
If a relationship didn’t work out, there must have been a number of negatives. Whatever these were, find a way to turn them into positives now that you are single. She didn’t like your friends? Now you have the chance to properly spend time with them rather than being pulled in two directions. She didn’t like that you were busy some evenings doing sport? Now you have the opportunity to delve in without feeling guilty. Whatever it is, there must have been restrictions in your relationship that you are now free from – find them.
A breakup can be a great time for self-improvement. A lot of people begin to look at them a little differently and realise a few changes they want to make. This can start with working out more, eating better, picking up a new hobby – if it’s ever tough, imagine what you want your ex to think if they see you.
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A few other bits of advice
1. A good book can make the world of difference (such as This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Díaz
2. Cut off all contact (and keep the phone away when drunk)
3. Don’t take it personally
4. List 5 things to be grateful for
5. If you trip up and message or get with someone you regret, forgive yourself, learn from it and move on
6. Cooking is cathartic
7. Take a class in something completely new and obscure (you may love it)
8. Removing yourself from your present surroundings can have a profound effect – why not book a last minute weekend away?
9. Book something to look forward to
10. Clean out your room
It may not feel like it right now or even anytime soon, but it will get better. Following the advice on this list will not instantly change how you feel but it should help make the process that bit easier.