If you are a man looking to succeed on online dating, you came to the right place. Our team of experts created this quick free online dating guide for you. Whether you’re a first timer on online dating or already using it, this guide will certainly help you.
Don’t forget to also take our 2 min quiz to check what’s the best site for you.
Let us just throw some important facts about online dating.
Despite most online dating websites claiming good men to women ratios, the fact is, you’ll be ‘fighting’ against hundreds of men to get the attention of a single girl.
No picture, no lucky. Competition is thought and don’t think you’ll get anything without, at least, sowing your face. Studies show, by using a pictures you increase your response rate by over 70%.
Girls are mostly looking for a relationship and some even marriage (even if they normally don’t assume it on their profile). Please, keep this in mind and avoid acting like a weirdo. Offering sexual services or a ‘touch of your body’ won’t take you anywhere.
Let’s Get Started
And where should you start?
Thinking clearly about why would you be joining and how you would ‘sell’ yourself is the best place. Grab some pen and paper and start writing about what you want to find. Weather you’ll be looking for your next girlfriend or just some no strings fun, just write it down to make sure you don’t forget your objectives.
A good thing to do is, to go for a drink with your best mates and talk to them about this, let them help you about the way you should describe yourself. No one better than your best friends to tell you what kind of person you are and talk about your worst and best features, talk seriously and trust their opinion.
Remember to always be honest and truthful about who you really are and write all things down on a paper to make sure you can later read it and take your own conclusions.
Choosing the best online dating website for you
Ok, now that you know what you’ll be looking for when joining online dating, let’s give you help choosing the best website for you. In the UK, the number of online dating sites is huge, so it’s important to have a look at our reviews and see what fits you best before paying for any subscription.
This is probably the most important step of all. Make sure the website you join has the right features for you and matches what you are looking for, e.g., casual dating, long term relationship, etc.
Creating a profile
Start by making sure you have now a clear idea on what you will be looking for in a girl and how you would portrait yourself. If you are sure about those things and you have a good selection of good pictures, you are ready to start your profile.
This being a virtual profile doesn’t mean you should or can try to be someone you are not. When writing about yourself on the profile we highly recommend you try to give away the type of person you are. There’s no reason for saying you have a bubbly personality and you easily keep a conversation if it’s something you’re not. More sooner than later the truth will come up and you’ll be only getting your chances of finding a girl reduced.
For the title use one sentence that pick your best features, e.g., “Tall and cheerful…” “Playful and with a big smile…”. Please don’t you ever say “sad lonely guy looking for girl to cheer me up”, this will plain and simple put you a weirdo, which girls would avoid at all cost.
Even if sometimes you know your personality traits aren’t the best to attract females, you better stick with your chances and be honest. The online world offers a great amount of girls and even with big competition, the chances are that you’ll find girls who appreciate who you are.
Try to be moderate on the amount of information you give away about you, remember you’ll still want to leave something open to explore with girls you make contact with. But don’t just write one sentence as it would look too lazy and girls tend not to like it. Saying a bit about yourself, your work, spare time, likes and dislikes is the best choice.
All profiles will ask for your age, body type, height, profession, etc. Again, you should be true about all of this. There’s no advantage on lying and portraying yourself as a ‘superman’, you’ll be just be settling conditions for a bad date. Don’t dream, your date will not forgive you.
Sometimes the income is one of the options, we suggest you don’t answer to that, unless you earn so much and you want to make that a bullet point, than go for it. We can’t neglect the fact that some girls do like to be ‘well treated’ and money could make them turn your way.
First and foremost, you have to add photos, at least one, but we suggest between 3 and 6 for better results. Do not think you’ll be able to make contact online without a picture, it would be extremely hard. Believe us; you don’t want to go down that route.
This is probably the most discussed subject about online dating and one thing that almost always comes as a conclusion is that you should smile. Generally speaking, we have to agree, but we also would like to leave room to other options. Why? Well, let’s just say your smile might not be your best feature or you are the kind of person that rarely smiles. If this is your case, why should you force yourself to smile just for your online profile? In our opinion you shouldn’t. Like we said before, try to show yourself and who you are. Avoid trying to be another person simply because you are on the virtual world. We know you want this virtual profile to be just a start to your real world, so be real.
This said, yes smiling is good in most occasions, but if you feel uncomfortable with showing a big smile, don’t worry, just show your friendly face. Please, do not mistake what we are saying by a photo where you look bored, angry or really tired, as those probably won’t do any good to your image.
For us, more important that showing that smile is to show you. For instance, if you normally have that thinking face, go for it.
A must is to have a face photo, especially to use as main photo (profile photo). Showing your face is essential as it’s the most sought featured in online dating. We suggest you add at least 3 photos to your profile, where you can show face, full body and activities. For example, if you like motorcycles and own one, why not share a photo of you on your motorbike. This is a good thing to do, you are not only showing yourself but also straight away sharing a passion or hobby you have. This helps to create a good shortcut to start a nice conversation with a girl with similar interests.
Another important aspect is who you show on your photos. Very often we see profiles with photos with loads of family, friends or simply passers. Should we remind you that this is your profile, therefore try to use only pictures of you. If you are to use pictures with friends and family, make sure you let them now before moving ahead.
And to finalise we won’t ever suggest you use nudity. The most you can go is to show a nice body picture and preferably on that great day at the beach or swimming pool.
Sorry to say, but the ones taken by yourself at the bathroom mirror are just going to portrait you as cocky and light-headed. Ok, I get, you know you have a great fit body and want to show it, but there other ways of doing so. Ask your mates to help you with that.
To sum it, 3 to 6 good quality photos highlighting who you are, best features, hobbies or passions would be a great start to your profile. The photo should be recent and only show you, when possible add date on the description. Finally, avoid low quality pictures, they won’t sell you well.
Getting in touch
Please note, if you decide to keep your account Free, you’ll soon realise you can’t send message or have direct contact with members. We suggest you have a look at our comparison table options and move forward by paying a subscription.
Now that you have created your profile, make sure all pictures and copy are approved and ‘live’. Don’t rush in trying to make contact with girls if you still don’t have any data on your profile, chances are you’ll be missing an opportunity to have more impact. Always remember most girls receive dozens of messages/winks a day and for you to stand out, you really need that picture and profile description.
Now that you have your profile ‘up’, it’s time to start making contact with girls. We suggest you start using the search and also remember to use filters to select members near you and matching your body and personality type.
Sending Winks, Gifts, Kisses, etc.
Once you find that girl you’re interested in, try to make a contact as personal as possible. We know most websites offer the chance to ‘wink’, ‘send kisses’, ‘send gift’, etc., but the reality is, there’s nothing better than sending a message and start by saying something more about you and perhaps what you liked about her.
When using these tools, guys need to keep in mind that girls probably receive hundreds of those in just days, so if you want to stand out from competition, make sure you start with the best approach. Using such tools won’t harm you, but if you want to have better chances had a message to the mix.
Right, you took a wise decision and will be sending messages to girls you are interested in. Now the next important step is knowing what and how much to write.
Let’s start with the easiest question, how much should you write? Well, enough to grab attention is the simple answer. The fact is, there’s no perfect formula for this and it will depend on the type of person you are. If you love to chat and to tell many things about you, please keep it short on your 1st message. If you are shy and not very creative on what to write, please make an effort and try to write more than just “Hello, how are you?”. A paragraph should be fine.
Enough about how much, what should you write? Try to mention something about yourself, e.g., “I love to walk in the park, even if it rains…” and try to mention why you approach her, e.g., “Your profile mentions you like travelling, may I know your top places?”. Leaving a question is always a good way to start, remember you want to start and keep a conversation. Also, show her that you read her profile by mentioning something she has written on her profile. Girls like to see you’ve taken time to explore more about her than just looking at her photos.
Remember what we told you earlier about being honest on your profile? Well, here’s the tricky bit, here we won’t ask you the exact same thing. Not that we would incentive you to lie, but sometimes being too honest will simply not work for you. As an example, we know many guys out there join dating websites to find some fun, or should we be straight and say “sex” or “casual encounters”. Well, no matter what you are looking for, you have to be nice and look like and interesting guy. Rushing things and saying “let’s have sex” to a girl won’t take you anywhere and you’ll be just one step closer to be “blocked” by the receiver. Another thing to avoid is calling “babe” or “honey” on the first message, it doesn’t make you look good.
Going back to ‘not being fully honest’, we advise you to be calm and patient and always write something nice to girls. If you’re looking for your next girlfriend, it means you’ll more easily get what we mean by sending a nice message. If you are a bit cheeky guy, of course you can still be who you are, but try not to mash your approach by talking dirty or being unpleasant.
Many times people misinterpret “being honest” and start saying their worst features straight away or simply saying what they look for in the other half. This is something we won’t suggest you to do. Take your time and start with simple things about you and her, if things go your way, you’ll have plenty of time to let to know more about you and discover more about her.
Another sensitive subject is, sending bulk messages to all girls you find attractive. Some people find boring to write hundreds of messages to send out, so they follow the easy route of just “copy&paste” the same message, over and over. Well, let me tell you guys, girls know about this and they will look for any signs who might flag you as a “sloppy hunter”. You don’t want that, so if you are going to send the same message, at least, start with a “Hi (her name)”.
We aren’t going to suggest you should use the same message, because you simply shouldn’t. But on the other hand, we do understand the response rate is low for most guys, the hard truth is you’ll have to send hundreds of messages to get probably half a dozen answers.
There are exceptions and guys that look like Brad Pitt will probably get many answers and might not even need to approach girls, just wait for them to come. But back to the real world, chances are you’ll have to work hard and write to a lot of girls to start a few conversations.
If you don’t get answers, don’t get desperate. You just need to understand most girls are approached by hundreds of men and it is normal they get only to pick some of them to start a conversation with. Be patient and your lucky day will eventually come.
Another important thing is about winks and messages you might get from girls. Always take time to look to their profile and see if they are of any interest to you. Don’t answer just to be kind and nice, online dating it’s not about giving false hopes and that’s probably what you’ll do. If you decide to answer, remember that the girl approached so you have already a good start, don’t ruin it by rushing things.
Once you are exchanging messages with girls, work to keep to momentum going. Try to write them back in less than 24h and leaving a question for them to answer is a good thing to do.
Get a date
After being lucky enough to talk to some local girls and having nice conversations, it’s probably time to move on to the next step and try to go for a date.
You should always have a date in mind, the website is only a start for something greater and 99% of people want to meet face to face after a nice chat.
We said it before and we say it again “don’t rush things”, but also don’t keep chatting forever. You’ll want to keep some mystery for a first date and want to keep something to say when you get to meet her.
At this stage timing is everything. If you go to soon, you might scare them off, but keep chatting probably will only lose the heat.
Sometimes girls love to chat and get to know you pretty well before you meeting you in person. If you get across those girls, you better be an online chatter yourself or you won’t be able to go all the way.
Luckily most of girls want to meet you in person and you can take advantage of that after a few message by saying something like “I’m the kind of person who loves face to face chat…”. This might just be the step in the right direction and if the girl answer “me too”, you are now pretty close to have a date.
Our advice is to keep messaging, but always with a date in mind, and that’s probably what will work best, simply because that’s why people use online dating for.
The first date
Going for a drink will work just fine for most situations. We know rock climbing or bungee jumping might look good, but for a start a drink will do just fine.
By this time you probably know where she lives, works and their tastes, so just discuss with her the best place for you both. If you know she’s the type of girl who likes to take charge, just leave it to her and the same goes if you know she prefers to follow your lead, just say you know a good place.
Sometimes girls might be a bit nervous about the first date, so perhaps you should call her first so she can listen to your voice. This will help her to get more confident.
Once you have time and place set, make sure you tell, at least a friend or family member where, when and who are you meeting with. Setting a first date on a dark non-public place is to avoid. These simple security measures might look silly to a guy, but it’s always best to play safe.
Now that you are about to go on that date, yes you need to make sure you look your best. If your date mentioned something about your look that she likes (e.g., bear, particular shirt, etc.), try to please her by presenting yourself with the look she likes. Don’t forget she has seen your pictures, she probably liked you so try to go for that look.
We’re not going to say you should be properly groomed or wear a suit, because that might not be you and probably your date is fine with that. What we’ll say is that a nice smile and fresh look is always good. By fresh look we mean, avoid taking that shirt you’ve been using for the last 2 days and same goes for the trousers. You don’t want to look messy and dirty.
Do not show off or boast. Truth is women don’t like that and it will only make you look silly. Keeping eye contact and a good conversation will show confidence and maturity, and with most girls you’ll earn points for that.
Now it’s the right time to be yourself, but without exaggeration.
Normally people tend to worry a lot about awkward silence, which means they use all means to avoid it. We have to admit, an awkward silence isn’t good, but so isn’t the opposite. If you keep flipping topics, you’ll look fussy and weird. Let the talk flow naturally, ask questions and wait for an answer and she’ll probably do the same.
There’s always the chance of you going for a bad date, and it might not be your fault. If a girl doesn’t talk at all, or help you to follow a subject, that might disaster. If that happens and you know you did your best, remember it might not be your fault, she might just got turned off for factors you can’t control, or maybe it’s just a bad day for her.
We’re hoping for the best to your first date and if you follow our guide we are sure you’ll have better chances of getting more than just a first date.
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Be positive, smart and let her into your world.